


Come make snow angels with me, Dan. One last time.

by Allamazingfandomsarenotonfire



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, dan and phil
Genre: An ending that will probably make you hate me, Cancer, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Nightmares, Possible Character Death, Self Confidence Issues, Snow Angels, This is kinda sad but im not sorry, Winter, self blame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-09
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-09-07 12:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8800468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allamazingfandomsarenotonfire/pseuds/Allamazingfandomsarenotonfire
Summary: Phil has cancer.Its winter, that time of year they cherish the most. The time of year they'd make snow angels together. But now all it represents is pain.Dan tries everyday to be there and keep him alive.But the question is.. Will he succeed?





	

**Dan's POV**

_Cancer_.

That was the last thing on our minds... _Fucking cancer._

He's been here so long.. He's in so much pain.

It hurts me when I walk in the room and see him looking more weak and frail than the night before. More miserable. And there's nothing I can do to help..

This hospital is fucking stupid, they won't let me spend the night in here anymore. For two weeks now, I've been up all night alone in our bed hoping to fucking god hes alive when I go there the next morning.

The doctors keep saying the treatment is working, but isn't that what they always say?

Visiting hours are 8 am to 8 pm. I'm there. The whole time. I've been living off of hospital food and cranberry juice for months. My boss is the only amazing part of my life right now, obviously except the fact that Phil is still breathing. She knows Phil and I, she knows how much we love each other, and she cried with me the day after he was diagnosed in her office. Shes still paying me enough to pay my bills even though I never come to work because she doesn't want me to be homeless, especially in this situation.

She's a great person.

*****

I was a bit late today. I'm only able to he here for three hours due to the snow and dangerous traffic surrounding me. It was almost impossible to walk. I got here at five, but I was happy I get to see him again. I grabbed the door knob. I gently twisted it and took I'm a deep breath. I put a smile on.

I pushed the door open with a quiet creek in case Phil is sleeping. He really needs it.

"D-dan?" He asked hoarsely. I shut the door behind me and walked to his side, my hands in my pockets.

"Cold?" He said with a dry chuckle, then burst out into a rough cough frenzy.

"Water?" I said gently. He shook his head and eventually stopped and groaned. He laid his head back again.

"Yeah. I didn't expect snow this year, the heatwaves were unreal." I smiled. "Its getting pretty deep."

Every winter, we used to go out and make snow angels for eachother all over town. It was a strange gift exchange, but it was our favorite. We'd come home freezing and wet, but it was the highlight of the year. It was our favorite thing to do. He looked so beautiful with snowflakes in his hair, contrasting the unrealistically black abyss it was. His smile shined brighter than the snow flakes glistening in the sunlight.

But now this time of year is nothing but pain.

"I love snow." He said. His voice was so hoarse. He needs that water. I picked it up and held it to his lips. He tried to turn away.

"Please." I whispered. He looked up at me and nodded. He sipped it slowly until it was gone.

"Thank you." He said, his voice sounding a bit better.

"No problem, darling." I stroked his head. He had lost every strand of hair on his body. I looked him over and felt a pain in my chest when I saw how horrible chemo was treating him. He was skinny, so skinny that his elbows and knees bulged out. His cheeks and eyes were sunken in and dark. He was shivering, even under his several blankets and the heater on high.

I looked back at up at him to see he was staring out the window, but from there all he could see was the building beside us. It was surprisingly bright out there for being six thirty at night.

"Do you want to see it, baby?" I asked gently.

"You- you don't want to touch me. I haven't been able to bathe today and-"

"You what?" I said angrily. Its required that they take care of their patients.

"Yeah.. I-"

"Here." I reached under the bed and grabbed a bucket and a sponge. "I'll be right back."  
I went to the bathroom and got his anti bacterial bodywash and water and mixed it up. When I came back, he looked nervous.

"I look awful under these sheets, Dan." He said without eye contact.

"Baby. Please let me.." I said reassuringly as I pulled the sheets back. I helped him gently remove his gown and laid him back.

"Oh, baby.." I said gently as I traced his hip bones with my fingertips.

"I know.. I look awful-"

"No, baby. You just thinned out. You still look absolutely gorgeous in my eyes." He smiled. I helped cleanse every part of him that the nurses failed to take care of. When I finished and towel patted him dry, I went and rinsed the bucket out and put it back with the sponge under the table. I helped him dress and cover back up.

He looked back out the window.

"I don't deserve to see the beauty outside. All I'm doing is hurting you." He said quietly.

"Phil." I caressed his cheek. "I love you no matter what. You do deserve this." I said as I picked him up, careful around his IV. I carried him and his IV bag to the window. I grabbed a chair and put his IV bag beside it and sat with him wrapped in blankets in my lap. He held onto me tightly and looked down.

"Its so beautiful." He said quietly with tears in his eyes.

"Not as beautiful as you." I smiled and rubbed his back gently. I felt that familiar pain in my chest when I felt his spine sticking out all the way up and all the way down. He looked over and wiped his tears with his bony hands and smiled.

"I love you." I said quietly.

"I love you, too." I ran my fingertips down his cheek and tilted his chin up. I kissed him gently, and he didn't hesitate to kiss me back.

He pulled away and looked back down. We sat there for about an hour. Him admiring the sparkling snow, and me admiring the beautiful creature he was.

"I have to go." I said checking the time.

I helped him back into his original spot from when I first came in. I kissed his forehead and said I loved him, then turned to leave. He grabbed my shirt and pulled me down to whisper in my ear.

"Come make snow angels with me, Dan. One last time."

"I can't, baby. We will again someday.. But we can't today." I said with a sob. He just let me go, and I walked out of the room holding in the screams and cries that desperately tried to escape me.

********

**Phil's POV**

I sat silently for a while. This disease was already taking me away.

I waited until lights out and I climbed off the bed, collapsing with a wince and groan. My legs were too weak to carry me. I snuck through the hospital and out the doors.

_I knew what needed to be done._

*******

**Dans POV**

I was finally able to sleep that night. I woke up in a puddle of sweat and tears from my reoccurring nightmare.

Then I remember, that nightmare is my reality.

My phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Howell?

"This is him."

"You're the only person on Mr. Lester's paperwork, and I'm happy to call and tell you he was pronounced 100% cancer free last night."

I sat quietly, a smile crept on my face and I felt the happiest feeling ever build up inside me.

"One more round of chemo should make sure we killed every last cancerous cell, and after his recovery he's free to come home."

"Oh my god!" Jumped up in excitement. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

"No problem, sir. Have a great day."

"You too!" I hung up and looked at the time. It was nine in the morning, so I could go tell him now.

I got dressed and sprinted out the door, then ran all the way to the hospitals block.

I looked down at the beautiful snow and walked to the front of the building and stopped in my tracks.

I was met with an imprint.

I stepped back and looked it over.

It was a body imprint. No, it was an angel.

_A snow angel._

I looked beside it to see in clear letters:

"For you, Dan. ❤"

I my eyes widened. I fell to my hands and knees.

It was surrounded by foot prints and one specific set, more a body mark, that dragged from the front doors to the gift I was left.

I followed the footprints to a body bag surrounded with doctors, police, and paramedics.

"Victims name; Phil Lester. A former cancer patient. It says here that he was just recently pronounced 100% cancer free. Cause of death; suicide/freezing to death. There were no signs of struggling, or trying to get back to the entrance. He laid over there last night until he passed." He pointed his pen at the snow angel then continued to write on his pad.

Everything became distant as I let out the screams and cries I've been holding in.

_Phil thought he was dying._

He didn't need to go. He wasn't going to die.

He beat this disease.

_But no one told him that._

He was going to live.

I should have been there for him when he needed me.

I should have told him sooner.

I should have held him tighter.

_I should have made snow angels with him._

That **_One. Last. Time._**


End file.
